Decisions

so much to think about

I am in this weird place in my life. For so long, it felt like I was working toward something without knowing exactly when or if I would ever reach it. Now it feels like I'm finally getting there.I made decisions on what I was doing solely on what I found interesting, and it took me to this place I never imagined, even though for the longest I did not think it would end up somewhere where I would actually be happy.

After years of putting in the work, things are starting to come together.

Opportunities are coming up, the kind Ive waited years for. I feel more than ready for them. For the first time I didn't feel like I’m just chasing something unattainable.

I was offered a position with the EPA, then another, then another, and another. But the one that really had me excited about was the one I got offered in Boston, they didn’t just offer it but they genuinely wanted me. They saw something in me that I hadn't fully seen in myself. The role was with their environmental justice group, which feels meaningful in a way that’s hard to explain. It brings together science and service, using what I know to support communities that need it the most. It meant a lot that they didn’t just focus on my formal work experience. I had learned that in my resume for federal jobs, I needed to include not just professional experience but any kind of volunteer work I had done. To my surprise, this addition was the thing that got their attention the most. They valued the things I chose to do on my own. The work I did simply because I enjoyed it, working with kids and helping in immigrant communities. That was what made me the most qualified for the position, with the science a useful addition.

But this position comes with so much uncertainty. It would mean moving to Boston, Taking a pay cut, at least initially. Living in a more expensive city. Starting over without my support system, in a time where I had been struggling, in a place where I wouldn’t know anyone. It would mean leaving my family behind. Missing every day moments. Not being there to watch my nieces and nephew grow up.

The alternative was that I stay. I continue building something here. Move forward in the neighborhoods that helped shape me. Try to make a difference in my own community. Enjoy the stability I haven’t experienced for most of my life a little longer.

It feels like everything is happening all at once.

The one thing I know for sure is that I’m not standing still. I don’t think I ever was, I never stopped trying. But for once. in my life, I can see the progress.

The only option I’m not taking is staying still. I plan on moving forward.

Now, the hard part is deciding which direction I want to follow.

I just have to remind myself that no choice is the wrong on, I will make it work out, regardless of which direction I go.